30 Day Challenge – Save Your Marriage from the Tyranny of the Urgent

The other day, I was talking to a young colleague of mine – freshly minted with a marriage and a thriving clinical practice.  Life was busy and good … and all laid out.  A new house and kids were next on the agenda. “Yep, and then” I thought, “life gets nutso!!” Listening to her was… Read more »



3 Secrets to a Thriving Therapy Practice in an Urban Area

I’ve been training therapists for almost 30 years and each year graduating students want to know how to grow a thriving practice. It can be tough when you live in an area like Seattle that has several counseling programs, each graduating 30 plus students a year, many of which head out to hang their shingle… Read more »



The 3 Ways Removing Sexuality from Spirituality has Made us Bad Lovers

  The other day I was being interviewed for an upcoming podcast and was asked the number one issue I see in my practice.  I said it was couples complaining of having bad sex – not enough … quantity, pleasure, variety, intimacy … you name it. I made the point that our culture raises heterosexuals… Read more »


The DNA of a Couple vs the DNA of a Couple’s Therapist

When couples think of the skills needed to keep their love vibrant, they often think of having good communication, high emotional, social and sexual intelligence, good conflict resolution and negotiation skills, and a strong alignment of values and interests.  If we did not grow up in a family emulating these qualities for us, we often have… Read more »


Getting it On vs. Getting it Over With. Does It Matter Why You Do It?

Shari sits in my office and tells me a story I have heard countless times.  She and David have two small children, five and three. Shari is what we call “the low desire partner” in their marriage.  Although, I am not sure that is a fair or accurate label.  Both sit on the couch stiff… Read more »


Do You Still Kiss Each Other? Does it Matter?

  The Hebrew people believe a kiss is two people sharing the breath of God. As many know the beloved and I run couples intimacy retreats and thus are constantly asking questions about what differentiates happy couples from unhappy ones.  Lately we have been reading the results of a large international study analyzing the surprising… Read more »